drifting

There are some nights I go to bed and have absolutely no trouble falling asleep. Then there are nights my mind is particularly hyperactive, and just keeps going from one thing to another. The only benefit of this, I’ve noticed, is that sometimes I (eventually) get to experience that almost blissfully dopey pre-sleep stage, somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness.

Like a lot of things that I’ve randomly read about on blogs, or written about, myself, I reckon other people must experience this too. But it’s not like that knee-jerk reaction / sensation of falling, which some people get just as they’re about to¬†fall asleep. It’s a lot nicer than this (I have experienced that falling sensation too, but not much recently).

Whenever this happens to me, I’ll be lying in bed, my mind wandering from tangent to tangent, and then I suddenly realise that my thoughts have become almost completely nonsensical. And because I’m not quite asleep, but not really awake, I kind of just observe the absurdity of these thoughts, and I recognise, in that moment,¬†that it’s a sign that sleep is almost here. It’s actually kind of amusing and soothing at the same time; I’ll generally fall asleep without any trouble after this stage.

Only thing is, I wish I could remember what some of these thoughts were. I keep pen and paper near my bed, but I reckon the second I try to return to the realm of wakefulness, the thoughts would be lost before I even picked up the pen. And, of course, once I’m asleep, there’s no chance of recovering the thoughts.

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TGI-almost-F

This feels like it’s been the longest week ever. Coming off a couple of short weeks, due to public holidays, and then having a normal Monday to Friday plus a full Saturday shift is not fun. My mind has been a day ahead all week.

The draggy-ness of this week is probably not helped by my less-than-ideal sleeping pattern this week.

I’d decided some time around New Year’s that I wanted to fix my sleeping habits/routine this year. Six hours a night is not sustainable. I’m sure I wrote about this in a post at some point last year…

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last year (#3)

This year has been huge. I mean HUGE. And in a good way.

I almost forgot about my “last year” post series. Basically, around this time in 2014 and 2015, I wrote posts reflecting on what I would/wouldn’t change about my life if I had just one year left to live. I’m essentially¬†contemplating how I’d like to spend my “last year” of life. My priorities didn’t seem to have changed much from 2014 to 2015, but this year’s post might be different…

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enough sleep

I reckon this year I’ve been struggling with getting “enough sleep” more than any other year since leaving uni. “Enough sleep”, I think, is rather arbitrary and subjective. Most nights I quite possibly only get 6 or 6.5 hours of sleep. I generally feel fine during the day; it’s just the initial waking up and getting out of bed that’s hard – really hard – but only on week-days… On week-days, waking up after 6.5 hours of sleep, it is the easiest thing to fall right back to sleep. On the week-end, however, without an alarm, I’ll wake up after about 6 hours of sleep, and I’ll be almost wide awake. It is quite annoying how that happens.

Believe it or not, I didn’t actually intend for this post to be about sleep. Well, to be fair, I don’t really know what I’d intended for this post to be about. Kind of just felt like I needed to write something – anything.

And here I am, not sleeping. It’s approaching 11pm; I probably should’ve gone to bed at least half an hour ago. I think this night owl business started somewhere in uni, and I just never readjusted. Maybe it started before then, but at least in high school I never really had to get up that early (thank-you 9:15am starts). These days, leaving the house by about 7am is normal. Back in high school, I’d probably only just be getting out of bed, or just brushing my teeth at 7am.

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amalgamated

Alright, I’m going to quickly write this post now because I’m not going to be able to stop thinking about how I should write this post until I actually do.

Hmm… that probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense… or did it…?

No time to worry about that now. I just drank a glass of this “natural” sleep remedy thing, and it recommends going to bed in half an hour. Also, I have work tomorrow, and should actually be going to bed now. Just FYI, the sleep thing (which I will not name the brand of because I’m not going to promote it on my blog) was a free sample I got from a free training night. (Yeah… the perks of working at a pharmacy, hey?) And, well, I thought I should give it a go – if not to see if it actually works, then at least to find out what it tastes like and all that practical stuff. (I’m not going to go into the evidence, etc (or lack thereof) behind complementary medicines.)

(In case you’re wondering, it claims to be “natural vanilla cherry” flavour. However, it tasted pretty gross, and the powder didn’t dissolve very nicely, so it had a bit of a gritty texture. This tells me one of two things: either they got the taste completely wrong, or “vanilla cherry” is not a nice flavour to begin with. Also, possibly they didn’t test this product on a focus group or whatever people usually do; or the people they tested it on completely lied to them, or were so desperate for anything that might help them sleep that they didn’t care.)

Ok, getting back on track… What am I writing this about?

Sometimes I feel like I’m a bit slow to jump on bandwagons, or I just avoid them altogether (not sure if this sleep remedy has much of a bandwagon at all, so probably don’t need to worry about that). One bandwagon worth latching onto is that of one Jess Glynne.

I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve heard a new song, by someone new, which really sparked something in my mind. I think the first song I heard from her was “Rather be”, which was a collaboration with Clean Bandit. This was followed by “Real love”, which I also, umm, loved (and was also with Clean Bandit).

I just like her voice. It’s great, isn’t it? Another quick favourite was “Don’t be so hard on yourself”.

Well, that was basically all I wanted to say. No time to insert hyperlinks or whatever; it’s easy enough to find her on Youtube, anyway. Listen to some of the acoustic stuff. And while you’re there, check out some other stuff from Clean Bandit, especially if you like songs with energy. Honestly, I don’t really know their music that well, but after listening to a few songs, I feel really energised. I think they’ve negated whatever effect this sleep remedy thing was supposed to have…

unsettled

I like going to bed knowing that I can sleep-in the next day because then I’m not worried about falling asleep quickly. On these sorts of nights, I actually like to lie in bed and try to stay awake, enjoying the serenity. Ironically (in a cruel way), it’s usually on these nights that I fall asleep the fastest (compared to nights when I’m trying to get to sleep by a specific time so that I can be reasonably awake for work (or perhaps some other commitment, but usually work) the next day).

Tonight, being mid-week (i.e. Wednesday night) is not one of these nights when I can lie awake listening to the sounds of the night-time. No, I should really be getting ready to go to bed. Actually, no, I should probably already be asleep. But I don’t think that’s going to be happening any time soon.

Well, not too soon, anyway. I can feel the sleepiness creeping up, but my mind is still wide awake.

And I just felt like writing something here.

I’ve been wondering…

Do I get attached to people too easily? Do I miss certain people more than I should? Do I take too many others for granted?

Maybe (?)

Forget unrequited love; any sort of unrequited sentiment can be painful. And it might not necessarily be unrequited, but it is unexpressed (or not expressed clearly), which can be all the more painful.

And at the core of every troubled thought, and also circling around like those little birds that appear in certain animations when characters suffer blunt force trauma to the head, is this one word: why?

I can feel that I’m starting to get a bit restless – I need to run.

What better soundtrack for pondering life’s troubles than the light tread of one’s feet, the deep rhythm of one’s breathing, and the strong thud of one’s heart?

Well, I’m not game enough to go out running right now, in the middle of the night. One night, I’ll go out for a midnight run, and then come home for the best sleep of my life, but not tonight. I think, tonight, writing this has been enough to soothe my mind. My thoughts are turning toward dreams now.