attention please

There have been many times in my life when I’ve suspected I must have some kind of attention deficit disorder. Just now, for instance, just as I was about to start typing this post, I noticed a small round mark on the table, and started scratching and rubbing at it instead. To be fair, I was thinking about how to start this post as I was rubbing away, but it kind of illustrates my point.  Continue reading

disjointed

I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep these last few nights. This is just a warning in case this post becomes a rambling, incoherent mess of words.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, which also means that the end of the year is pretty much just around the corner. I feel like, this whole year, I’ve been marvelling at how quickly the year is going by. Even the weeks speed past sometimes – by Thursday I can usually be heard saying something like “I can’t believe it’s already Thursday! Where has the week gone?”

Sometimes I just enjoy work too much.

Part of the reason why I haven’t been getting enough sleep is because I’ve been putting off going to bed until it’s quite late, with the justification that there’s such a limited number of hours left in the year, so I should try to consciously absorb as much of it as possible.

But I do wonder if it wouldn’t be more worthwhile to just sleep more so that I can maximise the energy that I have during waking hours. But, you know, logic – even my own logic – doesn’t always work on me.

Hmm… quality versus quantity… We all know which one tends to win out …and which one should win.

“Sleep is for when you’re dead,” they say. But without it, you could be dead quite soon, and I certainly wouldn’t want that.

I reckon I’m pretty cognisant of various things that will increase or decrease life expectancy. It’s a blessing and a curse. I’ll admit that part of the reason I chose a health-related career is so that I could learn about all of the things that could possibly kill me, and then learn about how they’re prevented/treated.

I might be a hypochondriac, constantly jumping to worst-case scenarios for every minor symptom, but I don’t live in fear. No, I’ve been cutting out the fear this past year.

I’m not afraid to tell people I miss them. I’m not afraid to give and receive hugs. I’m not afraid to tell people what I think of them (mostly good things, though, because, you know, I’m a nice person).

Of course, I’m still at least a little bit afraid. Gotta have a healthy dose of fear now and then.

I used to be afraid of posting disjointed, stream-of-consciousness type posts because, although I am anonymous, I still feel vulnerable. More than once, while writing this post, I thought about abandoning it, and trying again another night. Then I thought to myself, “No, it’s fine. Just write it. Publish it.”

But as much as I blog for myself (or as much as I tell myself that this is primarily for my own gratification), I know I always think of my readers when I write – it’s just something that’s been ingrained into me from years of high school English assignments – and I know that your time is as precious as mine, and I wouldn’t want to waste it by misleading you into reading a rumbling avalanche of a post. (Not entirely sure where I’m going with that metaphor, but that’s probably the first time I’ve used the word “avalanche” in a post, so I’m going to stick with it.)

If you actually read this entire post, then I just want to say “thanks” (and “how did you manage to get through it all?”) If you skimmed through it, or skipped ahead to this last paragraph to see if reading this would actually be worth your while, then I don’t blame you. That’s still some sort of effort taken, and I appreciate that.

wasting time

It’s been a whirlwind last couple of days. I flew up north to help with cover at our group’s pharmacy up there while HR recruits a new pharmacist. I was there for maybe a grand total of 31-32 hours (just one night) but, gee, it was pretty intense.

And now I’m just exhausted.

Strangely enough, I did some laundry and cleaning this morning, and I’m probably less tired, but still sleepy. I kind of just want to lie down and not move for the rest of the day.

It doesn’t help that it’s super hot today – around 36 degrees Celsius. I’m just going to stay in my room and enjoy the aircon.

And the laptop has made a triumphant return! I am back on my laptop for the first time in over a month because, as much as I would like to lie here doing nothing, I’d feel bad, so I’ve brought my laptop in. Still going to be wasting time, but I’ll be getting something done – like this post!

Isn’t it terrible that we have to feel guilty about doing nothing. I mean, sure, if you’re at work, or there are jobs people are expecting you to get done, then doing nothing is probably not the best plan; but if it’s the week-end and you need a rest and there’s nothing that desperately needs doing, then surely you can be allowed to laze around doing nothing…?

Well, I suppose it’s this whole notion of opportunity cost (one of my favourite / most remembered economic principles). It’s that voice in my head that says, “Yes, you can sit here and do nothing – you’ve probably earnt a break – but think of all the other things you could be doing!”

But it’s ridiculous to be expected to be constantly making the most of every minute.

Hmm… I feel like if I keep going with this post, it’s going to quickly devolve into a weird internal argument, so I’m getting out while I can. Good-bye!

posting skeletons

I have approximately 40 minutes to write this before I have to go to bed. Based on past experience, this won’t be enough time, but I’m going to try to power through, anyway.

I don’t usually impose strict bedtimes like this, but I have 7am starts at work for all of this week and next week, and since I’m kind of filling in for the manager (well, one of the managers) – hence the earlier starts – I kind of feel like I need to be at optimal alertness and general brain function. This is kind of part of the reason why I don’t really want to be a manager – all problems filter back to you.

I also don’t usually force myself to just sit down and write posts (not that I am forcing myself to write this now) but I’m kind of, let’s say, concerned that I won’t have the time/energy to write a post later in the week, and then I might forget on the week-end. Also, I just prefer to get my post-for-week done and dusted earlier on in the week, so that I have one less thing nagging away at the back of my mind. (Imagine if I ever committed to writing a post per day! I’d just never sleep.)

After many years of blogging (not even keeping track of that anymore), I’ve come to notice that I have several … paranoias surrounding blogging. Posting earlier in the week so that I don’t forget, or in case something happens and I can’t actually write a post, is an example. I will also sometimes schedule posts if I just have a hyper-productive week of writing, and decide that I can leave a post for the following week instead of publishing immediately.

In the very writing of the preceding paragraph, I also exhibited another paranoia (although you can’t actually tell just from reading it). I know how to spell the word “paranoia” but because it’s a word that I rarely write and rarely read anywhere, and the word itself looks strange, I just had to double-check the spelling. I’m sure there must still be spelling/grammatical errors (occasionally) throughout my blog (but hopefully not too often) due to lapses in usually-rigorous editing, but there are certain words that I get paranoid about (just slightly!). I know that the people who read my blog aren’t the snarky grammar/spelling nerds that police blogs and other sites (like Facebook), but I suppose this is kind of like a “fear of judgement” that is equivalent to how other people might worry about their physical appearance – it does kind of affect perception of the actual content and substance, but it’s not the be-all-and-end-all for determining and setting other people’s opinions.

(I hope that paragraph – especially that last sentence – made sense. I’m kind of just writing as I think here. Does this count as a “stream of consciousness” post? I’ve been seeing those around on various other blogs, but don’t actually know what it means. Pretty much all of my posts are not extensively planned; at most, I’ll formulate an outline in my head, and then start writing.)

Alright, it’s getting late now (late for me, anyway). It’s still within my set time limit, but still late nonetheless, and I’m starting to get sleepy. This, conveniently, leads me to another one of my paranoias: post-publishing paranoia. It’s kind of similar to the grammar/spelling paranoia that happens as I write, but it happens after I’ve hit the “publish” button. A very keen (almost stalker-ish) observer will have noticed that the vast majority of my posts are published at night-time (well, my night-time, anyway). As such, it tends to be one of the last things I do before I go to bed (such as tonight), and consequently I might be quite sleepy by the time I click “publish” (also such as tonight). As such, this paranoia might actually be delayed until the following morning, when I wake up and wonder if I spelt that word correctly, or if I finished that paragraph/sentence properly.

Well, it looks like the proofreading process kind of tipped me over the time limit, so I’d better head off. More on strange blog habits another time perhaps!

every morning

It’s been a very long week… Feels like a very long time since I posted here… I’ve been filling in for my manager at work this week, which has meant 7am starts every day, which has meant getting up before the sun every morning. I’m actually quite pleased that I haven’t been late at all this week. (I was going to say “pleasantly surprised” but, when I think about it, it’s not really that much of a surprise.)

It’s been nice watching the sunrise every morning. That orange glow just reaffirms why orange is my most favourite colour. It’s also nice that it’s actually decently cold that early in the morning. I like my winters to actually feel like winter.

I’ve often wondered if I’m more of a morning person or an evening/night person, but I can’t seem to put myself definitively in either category. I don’t mind early starts at work, and I don’t usually sleep in very late on my days off, but getting up early is still a bit of a pain. Having said that, however, once I’m up and I’ve had breakfast, I’m ready for anything. On the other hand, nighttime productivity is quite variable, but unless I’m super tired or sleep-deprived, I can generally stay up quite late.

That preamble turned out a bit longer than I expected… What I was getting to was that, because of these incredibly early starts, I’ve been mostly eating cereal for breakfast this last week (except this morning when I had oats) because cereal is probably the quickest and easiest breakfast for me to have. As such, I’ve had a lot of time to think about cereal and my cereal-eating habits.

At first, I didn’t think that this was something worth documenting on my blog, but I had a random conversation about cereal with some coworkers the other day (and it wasn’t me who brought it up) and I realised that people like talking about eating habits – even for something as seemingly simple as cereal. It’s not something that comes up too often, but it could be for that very reason that people are keen to give their two cents’ worth when it does come up. (Feel free to add your two cents’ worth if you feel so inclined.)

Sorry, preamble just got longer… But you must understand that I can’t simply post a list of my cereal eating habits without adequate introduction – people will think I’m crazy …or bored …or both (I will neither confirm or deny any of those possibilities)

There are two cereals that are essential to my cereal-eating: Weetbix and Nutrigrain. I never eat just one type of cereal, unless that is absolutely all that is available to me. I always have 2-3 Weetbix, which I place in the bowl first (and I always use the same sized bowl). I then fill the bowl to the brim with milk (although I’ve been trying to exercise a bit more restraint here and not use as much milk), and then add the Nutrigrain, which I proceed to eat in lots of three per spoonful. (I don’t know – they just seem to fit nicely in lots of three…)

More often than not, I will have a third cereal, such as Weetbix Crunch or Milo cereal (or something else that I’ve momentarily forgotten the name of) that I add after finishing Nutrigrain. (Pro tip: Milo and Weetbix go really well together)

Those of you playing along at home (don’t know why you would, but ok…) may remark at this stage that the Weetbix is undoubtedly soggy by now. That, of course, is the point of my putting it in first. I do, however, quite like crunchy Weetbix and will eat one bix before adding Nutrigrain if I start off with three bix in the bowl. Hope I haven’t completely lost you all by now (or earlier)

I think my longer entries are a good reflection of the things that I’m really passionate about. Either that or they’re really good for pinpointing the times in my life that I’m perhaps slightly delirious and have little better to do than write amazingly long posts that are rather disproportionate to the weight of the issue discussed.

a rambling train

I am now more than halfway through the “100 Happy Days” challenge. How the time flies! Thinking about the challenge so far, I don’t think that it has significantly changed me. Maybe at the start I thought more about what to post about and that sort of thing, but now I reckon I can pretty much think up a post and get it posted in a matter of minutes (I probably put more thought into what I’m going to write than what the photo will be of, which is only natural, me being a writer rather than a photographer).

I’m quite glad that I’ve managed to accompany each post with a photo or picture of some sort. I reckon I’ll keep posting photos on Twitter after these 100 days are over, since it at least adds a point of difference on this blog of mine with its picture-less posts… I’m also quite glad that I haven’t had any duplicate entries – I’ve found something new to be happy about every day – or, at least, I don’t think that I’ve repeated anything yet…

Feels like it’s been a bit of a slow, quiet week this last week. I was trying to start a habit/routine of getting my post for the week written and published earlier on in the week, but it just hasn’t happened this time. I did start a draft post, and I could have published that one on Tuesday, but I’ve been too tired to properly proofread and refine it. Might schedule it in for next week instead.

Now I feel reasonably alert, with the knowledge that it is finally the week-end, and all I really want to do is write this post, wherein I can just ramble on about everything and nothing in particular. I simultaneously feel like I have too many things to write about and not enough to write about.

Reading ‘The World According to Garp’ is inspiring me to write. I read something the other day that suggested that a good way to write a good book is to firstly think about the things that you like about the books you read. One of the first things I thought of was inspiration – I like books that inspire me and make me feel like writing. (Whether or not I actually write anything is a different matter.) It probably helps that Garp is a writer, so I end up reading and thinking about writing anyway.

This made me think about MasterChef. Watching MasterChef and other cooking shows makes me want to cook. There’s just the small problem of time… and energy, and obtaining the necessary ingredients, and even deciding what to cook in the first place…!

Speaking of food, I feel like my appetite has been more voracious than usual recently. I’m not sure why. It’s almost like my self-control is slipping. (Yeah, ok, a bit melodramatic there.) I have to consciously tell myself to stop eating. But maybe it’s because I haven’t exercised as much lately, my food intake seems disproportionate, and it’s actually nothing to do with my appetite changing. Who knows…

Going back to writing and fiction and such, I was just thinking about the weird dreams I’ve been having recently. They’re not weird in any particular way – more just completely random and seemingly meaningless. I read somewhere once (a lot of my random knowledge comes from me “reading something somewhere this one time”) that it is not possible to have a dream of someone you’ve never seen in real life, but sometimes I’ll wake up from a dream and really struggle to figure out where I’ve seen those faces before.

And so I wondered if that rule applied to fictional characters or to imagined people. I mean, surely if you develop a fictitious character in enough detail, then they can appear in your dreams. And if that is possible, then why can’t you imagine people within the dream? Does the subconscious not have access to the imagination?

I feel like there’s a lot more that I wanted to ramble on about, but this post is starting to get a bit too long, so I might leave it here. Besides, have to save some material for future posts, right?