childhood dreams

During my childhood, I had many dreams and ambitions regarding my future career. Most of the time they weren’t lofty goals. Sometimes I think I must’ve been a rather impressionable kid because a lot of the things I wanted to be were inspired by people I saw on a regular basis. Of these, I distinctly remember phases of wanting to be a baker, a postie, bus driver, and librarian. Maybe the ones I encountered just always seemed cheerful or seemed as if they enjoyed their jobs…

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5am insomnia

Something’s been going on, and I don’t know what.

I think I might be developing insomnia or something.

So, recently – as in since last week – I’ve been consistently waking up before my alarm. Usually there isn’t anything that wakes me up. I just wake up. Once I’m awake, my first thoughts are generally something along the lines of “Did my alarm go off yet? Did I just turn off my alarm and go back to sleep? Did I even set an alarm last night? Do I have to get up now?”

Most days, Monday to Friday, my alarm is set for some time between 5:35am and 6:15am, depending on when I’m meant to start work. These days, when I’ve been waking up before my alarm, I’ve been waking up around 5am. There was one morning when I woke up at 3am, but that only happened once.

Part of the problem is that, since it’s winter here now, the sun’s not really up until well after 6am, so if I wake up at 3am to pitch-black darkness, it looks just like what I’d expect at 5:42am. (I like to set my alarm to not-rounded times – mostly just for the heck of it, but also because it kind of feels like I’m giving myself a couple of extra minutes.)

Another part of the problem is that I only set one alarm, and I never snooze it. Once it’s off, that’s it. This is probably why I freak out when I wake up at 5am, and I think that I’ve turned off my alarm whilst half-asleep and inadvertently slept in. I know most people will set multiple alarms, or snooze multiple times before actually getting up, but just the thought of doing that annoys me. I’d rather just set my alarm for a realistic time and get up once it goes off.

Of course, that’s sometimes easier said than done.

Funnily enough, on that night when I’d woken up at 3am (I was pretty awake when I woke up too – I was psyching myself up to get out of bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, ready to take on the world), when I realised it was only 3am and promptly went back to sleep, I actually then had a dream about being late for work. However, it doesn’t end there. I woke up again around 5am, went back to sleep, and then when my alarm went off at 5:39am, I turned it off, made a feeble attempt at pushing myself out of the fog of slumber … and then fell asleep again.

Fortunately, I only slept for an additional 20 minutes or so and, since I’d actually set my alarm a bit earlier than I needed to, I still made it to work on time (a bit early, in fact).

This morning wasn’t too bad, though. I reckon I would’ve slept right through until my alarm had it not been for someone pottering around the house at some ridiculously early hour. Furthermore, this morning when I woke up pre-alarm, I didn’t need to check my phone (alarm & clock is on my phone) – I was able to rationalise that my alarm had most definitely not gone off yet, and I could just go straight back to sleep.

Usually when there’s some disruption to one’s sleep pattern, such as what I’m experiencing, it’s associated with some other change or disruption e.g. stress/anxiety, change in work schedule, jet-lag, etc. In my case, I actually have no idea what the root cause is. Nothing has really changed; nothing is different. Well, nothing that I’ve noticed, anyway.

Despite what happened in my dream, I don’t think I’m actually overly worried about being late for work. I usually leave home with plenty of time to spare, and I’ll catch the early train in.

Maybe writing about this will help. I bet the blogosphere is filled with insomnia-inspired posts. Midnight to 3am mightn’t be a “peak” posting time, but I bet it’s pretty popular all the same.

Well, I’m going to go to bed now so, until next time, sweet dreams!

bedtime stories

A few weeks back, I had this weird dream that I was super tired, so I went to bed well before 10pm. That was pretty much the extent of the dream. Yeah, riveting stuff, right? When I woke up from that dream, my first thought was that that was a very strange dream, and then I thought that that would never actually happen because I haven’t gone to bed before 10pm for a very, very long time (maybe primary school? early high school? who knows…)

But you know what? Last night, for some reason, I was just so sleepy that I was falling asleep at my desk, and it wasn’t even 9:30 yet. In fact, even as I’m writing this (before 10pm), I’m feeling quite sleepy (so please excuse me if I’ve missed any spelling or grammatical errors).

But you know what else? Last night, despite all my tiredness, I managed to stay up past 10pm (although, to be fair, it wasn’t that much past 10). Yes, it’s an achievement to defy my own premonitory dreams.

I tend to be pretty good at remembering my dreams the morning after. I’m supposing that this is because I tend to wake up during REM sleep, since I once read somewhere that you can (only?) remember your dreams if you wake up during REM sleep. But (if I remember correctly) you’ll also be more tired if you wake up during REM sleep, as opposed to another stage of sleep. In which case, I need to figure out how to stop waking up during REM sleep.

And while I’m on the topic of sleep, I would just like to say that I am getting sick of seeing articles and studies in newspapers and online and wherever about the ideal number of hours to sleep each night. It seems like every study recommends something different, but when it comes down to it, it just depends on the individual.

Ok, well, it’s past 10, so I think I’ll get ready for bed now.

in your dreams

Well (do I use that word a lot?), in MY dreams, actually because clearly I do not go around to people’s houses in the middle of the night or in the early, early morning and watch everyone’s dream bubbles. And, yes, I am talking about acutal dreams here.
I’ve had freaky dreams before: ones where I know I’m dreaming, dreams within dreams and even one dream that turned out almost premonition-like (quite sure this was in grade 10 and had something to do with English). But, I guess, this one can just be added to the list.
Oh, sometime during these holidays.. forgot when exactly now… noted it down somewhere.. Anyway, sometime during these holidays, I actually had an animated-cartoon type dream (i.e. the whole dream was animated with fictional characters and stuff). It was all random nothingness (I think there was a fight scene somewhere..) but like I care. And, no, I have not been watching heaps of cartoons, so it couldn’t have been that filtering into my subconscious.Going back to that dream I had last night… Here’s basically how it played out:

Me: [at some random shop presumably in Brisbane.. think it could have been some sort of Disney shop but don’t really remember those details]
JT: [casually walks into shop and starts looking at whatever it is that I’m looking at] (yeah, there was the whole greeting/acknowledgement thing but I don’t really remember that part)
Me: ‘Aren’t you supposed to be in Japan or somewhere?’
JT: [says this real casually like it’s perfectly normal and whatever] ‘Yeah… but this is only a dream’
I don’t know… it just seemed freaky to me because in the dream I thought everything was real.. like you know how dreams seem real..?
I did have this other dream last night. Totally separate from that one. Everyone was back in F Block (I think it was supposed to be like in the middle of the school year or something) because Ms Underwood randomly wanted us to play indoor soccer or some crazy thing but no one cared because we all finished assessment for the term or whatever. That doesn’t count as one of my freaky dreams, by the way – that’s just weird and random.