I haven’t been getting a lot of sleep these last few nights. This is just a warning in case this post becomes a rambling, incoherent mess of words.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, which also means that the end of the year is pretty much just around the corner. I feel like, this whole year, I’ve been marvelling at how quickly the year is going by. Even the weeks speed past sometimes – by Thursday I can usually be heard saying something like “I can’t believe it’s already Thursday! Where has the week gone?”

Sometimes I just enjoy work too much.

Part of the reason why I haven’t been getting enough sleep is because I’ve been putting off going to bed until it’s quite late, with the justification that there’s such a limited number of hours left in the year, so I should try to consciously absorb as much of it as possible.

But I do wonder if it wouldn’t be more worthwhile to just sleep more so that I can maximise the energy that I have during waking hours. But, you know, logic – even my own logic – doesn’t always work on me.

Hmm… quality versus quantity… We all know which one tends to win out …and which one should win.

“Sleep is for when you’re dead,” they say. But without it, you could be dead quite soon, and I certainly wouldn’t want that.

I reckon I’m pretty cognisant of various things that will increase or decrease life expectancy. It’s a blessing and a curse. I’ll admit that part of the reason I chose a health-related career is so that I could learn about all of the things that could possibly kill me, and then learn about how they’re prevented/treated.

I might be a hypochondriac, constantly jumping to worst-case scenarios for every minor symptom, but I don’t live in fear. No, I’ve been cutting out the fear this past year.

I’m not afraid to tell people I miss them. I’m not afraid to give and receive hugs. I’m not afraid to tell people what I think of them (mostly good things, though, because, you know, I’m a nice person).

Of course, I’m still at least a little bit afraid. Gotta have a healthy dose of fear now and then.

I used to be afraid of posting disjointed, stream-of-consciousness type posts because, although I am anonymous, I still feel vulnerable. More than once, while writing this post, I thought about abandoning it, and trying again another night. Then I thought to myself, “No, it’s fine. Just write it. Publish it.”

But as much as I blog for myself (or as much as I tell myself that this is primarily for my own gratification), I know I always think of my readers when I write – it’s just something that’s been ingrained into me from years of high school English assignments – and I know that your time is as precious as mine, and I wouldn’t want to waste it by misleading you into reading a rumbling avalanche of a post. (Not entirely sure where I’m going with that metaphor, but that’s probably the first time I’ve used the word “avalanche” in a post, so I’m going to stick with it.)

If you actually read this entire post, then I just want to say “thanks” (and “how did you manage to get through it all?”) If you skimmed through it, or skipped ahead to this last paragraph to see if reading this would actually be worth your while, then I don’t blame you. That’s still some sort of effort taken, and I appreciate that.


10 thoughts on “disjointed

  1. Sometimes this type of post is good, tells us what you’re thinking without much fluff and it’s always good to know what others think.

  2. I still do feel vulnerable when I am about to hit “publish” (or “schedule” in my case), especially when I write about something particularly personal. But I guess that is the nature of sharing one’s writing and a feeling that never goes away.
    And sleep might be for when we are dead, but without my 7 or 8 hours, I might as well be dead now!

    • Haha I definitely feel better after getting more sleep last night! Six hours per night just isn’t sustainable.

      Yeah, regardless of who’s reading (or not reading) what I write, that vulnerability is always there. Just a matter of how much I can ignore it

  3. I totally understand what you mean about squeezing the most out of the end of the year. This is such a reflective time of year for me and sometimes all the things I didn’t do come rushing back to haunt me. Like my incomplete Goodreads challenge. O the horror! 🙂

    I’m glad you hit Publish on this one. I enjoyed reading it and found it anything but disjointed 🙂

  4. I’m horrified that it’s already the end of the year. And to weigh in on the sleeping thing, I think taking the time to sleep properly makes you more productive and happier in the end. (I speak as someone with a long history of insomnia).

    • By this stage I’m also completely horrified the new year is just a few days away!
      I’ll try to get more sleep (more consistently too) this week, and I can just stay up late NYE 😉

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