I have approximately 40 minutes to write this before I have to go to bed. Based on past experience, this won’t be enough time, but I’m going to try to power through, anyway.
I don’t usually impose strict bedtimes like this, but I have 7am starts at work for all of this week and next week, and since I’m kind of filling in for the manager (well, one of the managers) – hence the earlier starts – I kind of feel like I need to be at optimal alertness and general brain function. This is kind of part of the reason why I don’t really want to be a manager – all problems filter back to you.
I also don’t usually force myself to just sit down and write posts (not that I am forcing myself to write this now) but I’m kind of, let’s say, concerned that I won’t have the time/energy to write a post later in the week, and then I might forget on the week-end. Also, I just prefer to get my post-for-week done and dusted earlier on in the week, so that I have one less thing nagging away at the back of my mind. (Imagine if I ever committed to writing a post per day! I’d just never sleep.)
After many years of blogging (not even keeping track of that anymore), I’ve come to notice that I have several … paranoias surrounding blogging. Posting earlier in the week so that I don’t forget, or in case something happens and I can’t actually write a post, is an example. I will also sometimes schedule posts if I just have a hyper-productive week of writing, and decide that I can leave a post for the following week instead of publishing immediately.
In the very writing of the preceding paragraph, I also exhibited another paranoia (although you can’t actually tell just from reading it). I know how to spell the word “paranoia” but because it’s a word that I rarely write and rarely read anywhere, and the word itself looks strange, I just had to double-check the spelling. I’m sure there must still be spelling/grammatical errors (occasionally) throughout my blog (but hopefully not too often) due to lapses in usually-rigorous editing, but there are certain words that I get paranoid about (just slightly!). I know that the people who read my blog aren’t the snarky grammar/spelling nerds that police blogs and other sites (like Facebook), but I suppose this is kind of like a “fear of judgement” that is equivalent to how other people might worry about their physical appearance – it does kind of affect perception of the actual content and substance, but it’s not the be-all-and-end-all for determining and setting other people’s opinions.
(I hope that paragraph – especially that last sentence – made sense. I’m kind of just writing as I think here. Does this count as a “stream of consciousness” post? I’ve been seeing those around on various other blogs, but don’t actually know what it means. Pretty much all of my posts are not extensively planned; at most, I’ll formulate an outline in my head, and then start writing.)
Alright, it’s getting late now (late for me, anyway). It’s still within my set time limit, but still late nonetheless, and I’m starting to get sleepy. This, conveniently, leads me to another one of my paranoias: post-publishing paranoia. It’s kind of similar to the grammar/spelling paranoia that happens as I write, but it happens after I’ve hit the “publish” button. A very keen (almost stalker-ish) observer will have noticed that the vast majority of my posts are published at night-time (well, my night-time, anyway). As such, it tends to be one of the last things I do before I go to bed (such as tonight), and consequently I might be quite sleepy by the time I click “publish” (also such as tonight). As such, this paranoia might actually be delayed until the following morning, when I wake up and wonder if I spelt that word correctly, or if I finished that paragraph/sentence properly.
Well, it looks like the proofreading process kind of tipped me over the time limit, so I’d better head off. More on strange blog habits another time perhaps!