into the abyss

Finally, after, like, ten days of holidays, I have a full day at home. Not even going to step outside the house. Just going to sit here and do nothing. Oh, such is the life!

I only got up at, like, 12pm today. It’s weird to think about it, but, even though we’re getting well into evening now, I’ve only been awake for about six hours. Six hours isn’t that much, really. And, to think about it, I haven’t really done much in the six hours that I’ve been awake today.

Have mostly just been concerned about finding a placement site for next semester. I shall have to go apply at some places tomorrow. Spent quite some time today doing up my CV. Would have gone around to some pharmacies today, but I figured, seeing as it was late afternoon by the time I finished with my CV, it’d be better to wait until tomorrow morning. Will have to get up bright and early tomorrow, and head out first thing in the morning.

It’s a shame they didn’t pick places for us like they did last year. In the end, I didn’t mind having to travel over five zones to get to my placement site. It’s quite nice out there, anyway. I suppose some proximity to home would have been nice, though. If there’s one thing I know from these last six or so months, it’s that time is limited.

I don’t suppose anyone needs reminding that results come out this week. I don’t think I’m particularly looking forward to getting results, but I’m not that apprehensive either. I’d like to know what I got and how I went, but I don’t think I’ll be staying up on Tuesday night just for that. Remembering that, at the end of last year, I stayed up refreshing sinet over and over to no avail (I gave up after about half an hour or an hour, if I remember correctly) isn’t exactly that encouraging of staying up again this time.

Anyway, back to the point, which is, of course, nothingness. Before holidays started, I think I anticipated a lot of nothingness. I mean, winter holidays are four weeks. There isn’t really that much that needs doing. Logically, that would mean a fair amount of time left over for doing nothing. But, after ten days of holidays, I have realised that a fair bit of that nothing time is used to think of things to do get rid of.. nothing time.

Such a shame that nothing kills nothing. But, being people – being human – we have dreams and aspirations and desires. It is hardly possible to block these things out completely. We always want something else, and, of what we already have, we want more or better. If you crave that feeling of accomplishment and achievement, then nothing is something that must be avoided or otherwise overcome.

…unless, of course, if nothing is what you want to accomplish. It may be argued, even, that it is just as hard to accomplish nothing as it is to accomplish something. (This reminds me of how people say it’s just as hard, if not harder, to get an OP25 than to get an OP1.) So, really, those who do absolutely nothing these holidays and can feel satisfied with that – those people are just as admirable as those who fill their days with constant activity, and shudder at the thought of nothingness.

But, as for myself, I believe in having things in moderation. Well, some things, anyway. Like, some things you should only have now and then. But, then again, I thought I’d long since done away with that word – "should". It is one thing to know what one should do, and another to be able to act on it. After all, "should" and "want" do not always agree. We should have things – including nothingness – in moderation, but we may very well want more or less than whatever is meant by "moderation".

If we say that we live in a free country, then to live within the confines of "should" and "moderation" and words of the like could hardly qualify as living at all. We would be merely existing. Sure, we need some restraints – of the moral and legal variety – but we are told that we have freedom, so that is what we ought to have.

I’m going to stop now before I start some sort of revolt. My plan was to do a great deal of nothing, and leading a revolution just does not quite seem to fit into that plan. On a different matter: I think I should be surprised if I ever write a blog entry with clear direction, and one in which I do not go off on tangents and ramble on. Effort in that respect does not seem to be something I’m willing to expend.

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